DADT Repeal and Hidden Hope

Last week, when I lit a candle during Joys and Sorrows recognizing the repeal of DADT, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the sudden welling up of tears in my eyes surprised me. Of course, the revocation of such a hideous law was long overdue. Many people had worked long and hard to make the repeal a reality. Over the 17 years of its existence, at least 14,055 gays and lesbians who dedicated their lives to defend our country, paid a huge personal and professional price.

Surely, the ending of such discrimination should bring tears of joy and celebration to all of us. But for me, it was more personal. I have always known that I could lose my job, housing, family, friends, and church over my sexual orientation. Over the years, I have experienced too many of these losses. I have always lived in a borderland state of truth and concealment. The advent of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, made lying – overtly and through omission – acceptable. The risk of telling, of living with integrity, was high. The cost of sanctioned deceit was even higher.

Yes, there were tears in my eyes on the Sunday when I lit the candle. Not only did the DADT walls come tumbling down, but somewhere, from deep, deep inside, a well of acceptance opened. Living for so long with legally enshrined double standards, I had not realized how much sorrow I harbored. My tears flowed from a hidden spring of hope.

While there are many battles still being waged, the repeal of DADT is a harbinger of things to come. Maybe some day, my marriage will be recognized too.

It is surely a blessing to be a Unitarian Universalist. We profess AND work for the inherent worth and dignity of every person. When I lit the DADT candle, the congregation may or may not have noticed my tears. The applause was immediate and heartfelt. It was a moment of celebration for reclaiming sanity and fairness. It is so good to live and serve in a religious community where the upmost values are integrity and love – a magnificent blessing indeed. For that and so much more, I am deeply grateful.